Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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