How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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