On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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