I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
