so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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