I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
