I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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