i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
