I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
