He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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