I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
