i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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