Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
