I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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