When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
