Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
