after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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