He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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