she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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