hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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