the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
