that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
