erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
