WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
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My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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