brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
