i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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