I just saw a hot homeless man
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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