your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
