Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
