Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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