if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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