Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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