I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
