Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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