He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
