I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
