Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
