apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
