She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
