Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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