No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
