I need help removing her.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
