Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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