just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
