yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
