dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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