After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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