There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
