two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
