have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
