My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
