I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize