lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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