and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
