i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't put those talents on a resume
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
