Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
