What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
