I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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