Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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