Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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