I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
