I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize