too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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