he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
