You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
