In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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